Snakes, Why Does it Have to be Snakes?
by denise1
Summary: A tag to Bloodlines


Snakes. Why does it have to be snakes?

By

Denise

Why? Oh why did I have to go and get all adventurous? 'Get back to the gate Carter. If we're not back in twenty-four hours we're probably not coming back.'

Warriors of great skill and cunning and we're sent to hide in the bushes and guard a twenty foot tall gate that isn't going anywhere. Ok so technically we're supposed to cover the colonel's and Teal'c's six when they no doubt come high tailing it home likely dragging Teal'c's wife and son behind them but…watch the gate? What? Does he think it's going out to lunch.

To heck with extra ammo, maybe I should have brought a book or that sweater I've been meaning to start. Call me funny but twenty-four hours of hiding in the bushes is not my idea of fun.

So the prospect of finding out what was in that container was a most appealing one as Teal'c would say. I mean what could be so important to a bunch of brainwashed snakeheads? If curiosity killed the cat you can imagine the effect it had on a bored slightly miffed captain.

I figured Daniel and I could go, gather a little Intel and make it back to the rendezvous before the colonel even suspected we went sight seeing. Then of course when we made it back we could give the NID something to keep them off our backs and maybe get a few brownie points with the colonel as a bonus. Give him a little proof that Daniel and I are perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves.

At least it seemed a good idea at the time.

But as I stare down at the bubbling aerated water I'm reminded of something my eager to please mind had so conveniently forgotten.

I hate snakes.

I'm not talking about an 'ewwe gross' dislike or a 'get that thing away from me' disgust.

I'm talking about a nightmare inducing, gut wrenching, skin crawling, and don't even mention the word reptile to me phobia.

Just the thought of getting within a half mile of a reptile house makes me cringe. I adopted Schroedinger from the pound rather than a pet store because pet stores have snakes. I once broke up with a guy because he liked his snake skin boots better than me.

If I see a snake sunning itself on the highway I'm one of those people that swerve to put it out of my misery. After all if I kill it now it can't come after me later.

I don't remember when it started. I didn't always hate snakes. Not that I ever played with them or anything but I always figured if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone.

Then came the time I stepped on a baby copperhead. I was running and trod right on the little sucker. I don't know who was more surprised it or me. Then I just stood there and watched it slither away. No problem. No harm, no foul.

Then there was the summer some friends and I were playing in a creek, enjoying the cool water. It was horribly hot that July, a real scorcher. We'd seen other wildlife coming down to the water so I shouldn't have been too surprised to see it but…who knew snakes could swim. Close call two and it kept me out of the water better than any Hollywood movie.

But I think the breaking point was one cold and boring night in Iraq. We staggered back into the barracks exhausted from twelve hours in the air. I slipped into my bunk, so grateful to get horizontal and be in something that wasn't moving that I just shucked my boots, socks and flight suit and crawled under the blankets not caring that I really needed a shower. I stretched out my legs and my bare toes encountered something. It was smooth and oddly soft and supple. In my fuddled brain I wondered if maybe I'd stuffed some clothes under the covers or maybe some wiseass had short sheeted me again when…it moved.

In the eternity of the next two seconds I felt something wrap around my left foot while something else flicked against my right toe.

The next fifteen seconds are still a blur. I vaguely recall screaming at the top of my lungs, scrambling out of the bunk falling to the concrete floor so hard I had bruises for weeks while I'm trying to kick off this… thing that's wrapped itself around my left ankle.

The next thing I know I'm sitting on the floor twenty feet away, surrounded by startled people, hyperventilating and sick to my stomach. I suddenly wasn't tired anymore.

To this day even in my own bed I fight the urge to fling back the covers and make sure the only guests in there are the ones I invite.

This of course begs the question, what the hell am I doing standing here with my sleeve rolled up ready to go bobbing for goa'uld? Do I really have to prove to the colonel that I can? Or do I need to prove something to myself?

I mean if the NID wants a goa'uld so bad they can come and get one. We're not even supposed to be here so it's not like we're disobeying orders or derelicting our duty. In fact bringing back a goa'uld would be bringing back proof that Daniel and especially I disobeyed orders. Something that's probably not going to make the colonel adore me any more.

Ok. We'll just turn a 180 and make sure to take notes so we can tell the NID exactly where they can go fishing. I'll even draw them a map.

Yeah right. First of all the chances of Hammond authorizing a mission is slightly greater than me doing a spread in Playboy and second the NID are such nimrods they'd likely get shot as soon as they set foot on the planet. Either that or get lost and ask at the palace for directions.

No. We're here now. No sense in risking someone else's lives to come back later when we're here now.

Ok. On three…one…two…

Now if I can just get my hand to do what I want it to. I look up and see Daniel's supporting look. "On four," he encourages.

In an instant one of the creatures swims towards the surface and I strike, grabbing it and shoving it into the container as fast as I can. It's skin is oddly smooth and cool, just like my bed buddy of a decade before.

I poke it into the thermos, not caring if I hurt it I just want it in there now so I don't have to touch it any more. I scoop up a little of the fluid and twist the lid on so tightly I nearly strip the threads.

"I really, really, really hate those things," I say my voice quivering. I wipe my hands off on my pants leg trying to conceal the convulsive movements of my arm. Man I'm glad I skipped lunch or we'd be seeing some real desecration of this temple.

Then Daniel mistakes Chulak for a shooting gallery. Great. Now I'm going to have to account for those expended bullets. We're supposed to be sneaking here, not announcing our presence. Ok. I get the message. This was a bad idea. No more sightseeing. Go directly to the gate, do not visit the temple, do not collect anymore snakes.

I swap the container for my gun, partially so I won't have to carry it and partially to keep him from shooting anything else.

As we make our way through the woods I can't help but wonder what the colonel's reaction will be. Maybe a little glad that we can give the NID the goa'uld they want so badly, likely pissed off that Daniel and I took a detour.

I can already sense that this is going to be a fun debriefing. I'm so caught up in coming up with good reasons for us having run off I barely hear Daniel talking much less the Jaffa that nearly cream us.

A grenade quickly deals with them but also pretty much destroys the whole 'covert' aspect of the mission. Then again, the bullet ridden tank of dead goa'uldlings was probably their first clue.

We successfully joined up with the colonel, Teal'c and his family and in the truly convenient way of TV shows and movie plots, the NID lost their research project. And if they want it back they're going to have to fight Teal'c for it. I personally would rather come back here and pick up another one.

Anyway, we made it back, without Drey'ac and Ry'ac and without a new guinea pig for the NID. Technically that made the mission a failure but in my book any mission where everyone comes back in one piece is a success.

Of course I don't think the colonel sees it that way. Which is why I'm standing outside his office waiting to get my ass chewed.

"Enter."

I take a deep breath and walk into the room picking a nice spot on the wall over his shoulder to stare at. "Reporting as ordered sir."

The colonel stays seated writing something, ignoring me. Oh great. It's going to be one of 'those' reprimands.

"So Carter. Correct me if I'm wrong but I seem to remember telling you to get back to the gate," he says, tossing a piece of paper into an out box and fiddling with his pen.

"Yes sir."

"And I don't recall anything about a temple much less raiding said temple. Which by the way pretty much destroyed the whole covert status of the mission."

"Yes sir," I said wanting to say it was all Daniel's fault. He's the one that shot up the place not me. But if I said that his next question would be what the hell was I doing giving a civilian MY rifle.

"Well?"

"Sir?"

"You got a good reason for your and Daniel's little field trip?"

"We aah…we saw the procession sir. And remembering the secondary mission of finding a larva we…I thought maybe we could get some Intel on where they kept them." A lame explanation but the best I could come up with.

"All we had to do was ask Teal'c. He probably would have drawn us a map," he said sarcastically then sighed. "But that's besides the point right now. As you can imagine the NID weren't too happy that we lost their lab rat despite the fact that it saved Teal'c. In fact the only way Hammond and I got them off our backs was to promise the next time we get a chance to snag a goa'uld we're going to take it."

"We…sir?" What, now we're goa'uld hunting?

"Well actually you. Since you're the resident expert on goa'uld procurement your standing secondary mission objective is going to be to keep an eye out for any chance to grab the NID a new toy."

"Yes sir," I said quietly.

"Dismissed." I turned to leave. "Carter?" I turned back. "The next time you and Daniel want to go on a side trip just tell me for cryin out loud," he said with an exasperated look on his face.

"Yes sir." I leave the room and close the door, taking a second to lean against the wall.

Ok. That wasn't too bad. I've been chewed out worse, namely the last time I broke curfew in high school. Then it hits me. In charge of goa'uld procurement. Great. Sounds like fun just…why does it have to be snakes??

Fin


End file.
